Internal Dialogue

So I am working on this huge project, right? And I’m like all not working nearly as hard as I should and this not like a craft project or a home renovation: it involves money, specifically, money that will come to me or if I don’t complete the project, money that I will lose. And I am like “Self, what the hell is going on here? You know how important this is” because sometimes you simply must use that tone when you speak to your self. And my self says back “I don’t wanna! I’m bored! I want to play Zuma!”
“I don’t think that’s it at all. What’s really bothering you?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Yep. I’m lazy”
“Now I happen to know for a fact that simply isn’t true. You work very hard on some things. Why is that?”
“I dunno.”
“I think you do. If you look, you’ll see that you always work very hard when you know you will succeed. I think you are afraid of failing, of not being good enough, so you use these delaying tactics so that instead of it looking like you aren’t good enough, you have an excuse.”
“Oh yeah, well I think you are afraid of success!”
“Preposterous!”
“Well, if you look back, then you will see how you have never really failed at anything in your life. Sure, you have occasional setbacks, things that don’t turn out really as well as you’d hoped, but when was the last time that happened? That frightens you, because it means that maybe you aren’t living up to your potential, maybe you are slumming through your life, blaming all of your problems on me, when you deserve an equal share of the blame.”
“Hmm.”
“Hmm, indeed.”
“So where do we go from here?”
“Thorazine?”
“How about we try something different from everyone else in America, and try to solve our problems without chemical intervention?”
“Fine.”
“What do you say we recognize that while we have not accomplished as much as some, we have accomplished more than others.”
“And that while we may be older than we were, we are still young enough to beat the pants off anyone who comes our way, if we so choose to do so?”
“Sounds good to me!”
“Me, too.”
“See you tomorrow, then.”
“Where are you going?”
“Oh, the id has some kind of chocolate sex orgy going on. Wanna come along?”
“Hell yeah!”

Now I understand why Rachel says I need therapy.